Have you gone through a difficult time recently & are still feeling stuck in it? Perhaps the loss of a job, divorce, car accident, etc? Are you struggling with accepting that your life is not the way that you want it to be? Sheryl Sandberg, author “Option B” and COO of Facebook, can identify- She is one of us! After losing her husband tragically to a heart attack during his mid 40’s, Sheryl set out the write a book about how to live your best “Option B” when “Option A” is no longer on the table. She explains to her readers that grief is not on a timeline & explores how many ways we get in our own way when it comes to healing something we didn’t cause.
The 3 P’s
Martin Seligman, as cited in Sheryl Sandberg’s book, explains the 3 P’s that stunt healing as we process trauma & difficult life events. The 3 P’s stand for Permeance, Pervasiveness & Personalization. Permeance is the belief that this event will last forever. Personalization is the belief that we are at fault and Pervasiveness is the belief that this negative event will affect all areas of our lives.
Seligman goes on to explain that we cultivate the resilience we need to heal throughout our lives. Some people are psychologically more fragile, while others are born with a more innate ability to handle difficult events. That said, Seligman believes that we can develop resilience based on we surround ourselves with & the choices we make. He further elaborates that we need to get rid of “always” and “never” in our vocabulary of healing, ie: “I will always feel this awful” to “I will feel this awful sometimes”, especially if we hope to address “Permeance” (one of the 3 Ps).
Both Seligman & Sandberg discuss how difficult it is for people to process grief & change especially when people are so wary of ‘holding space’– They call these “non-question asking friends”, which is why therapy & group services are so important for people. They create an environment for healing which we would not have otherwise had.
If you or someone you know is struggling with letting go & needs some help navigating the 3 P’s and wants to live their best Option B, please call Specialized Therapy Associates today at 201-488-6678.