We all want a wonderful relationship that will last our entire life. Unfortunately, current statistics have 40-50% of marriages ending in divorce. How do couples go from a great relationship to mediating through lawyers? How does anyone maintain a healthy relationship in or out of a marriage?
First, relationships take work. I often use the analogy of a plant. If I don’t water and fertilize my plant, then it will die. I need to pay attention and make an effort. Relationships are the same. Couples may get caught up in chores or work responsibilities to the detriment of their relationship. People often begin to take their partner for granted. If you want a great relationship, then you have to keep working on it.
Other important aspects of great relationships are:
- Talk – not just about your feelings immediate needs but also about your dreams and hopes. We do this early in relationships as we are getting to know each other and need to keep doing this over the years. Find new dreams together.
- Fight Fair– use fair fighting techniques to improve communication and your ability to disagree with respect.
- Grow and develop together – find new activities to do together. Plan new adventures and keep your time together interesting.
- Develop a sense of humor – laugh at life’s small things. Sometimes using gentle humor is better received than a criticism.
- Focus on your partner’s positives – remember the wonderful and worthwhile qualities your partner has. You are with them for good reasons. Those reasons will help you put small irritations aside. Spending your time focusing on the negatives can trigger a cycle of more criticism, dissatisfaction and eventual disrespect and contempt. These feelings may be the beginning of the end of your relationship.
- Keep Dating – leave the kids home, the dogs home, skip the Sunday extended family dinner and just spend time together doing what you enjoy. Take a walk, cuddle at the movies and feed each other popcorn, go bowling, go dancing, just go!
If you want to create a better relationship in your life, call 201-488-6678 or see our website www.specializedtherapy.com.