When friends break up, life might seem hard. I am not talking about a romantic breakup. In this post I want to focus on a different kind of breakup; when friendships end. Sometimes friendships end with a big falling out. Sometimes it’s more gradual; life gets in the way and friends slowly drift apart – what used to be hanging out all the time shifts to “we should hang out sometime!” or even just birthday messages on social media, if that.

No matter how the breakup happens, the ending of a friendship hurts! We want and expect to keep our friendships for life. It’s jarring when we no longer have that friend to share that perfect joke with, go to THAT concert with, or tell secrets to.

When coping with the loss of a friendship it is important to view it for what it is – a loss! Just as with any other loss it is natural to experience grief and go through feelings of anger, sadness, missing them, and questioning things you could have or should have done differently. It is important to take care of yourself in the same ways you would any other loss: use social and family support, self-care, and self-compassion. Try to get away from the “what-ifs” and use the experience to understand yourself better. Why did you react a certain way? If it happened again, how would you like to see yourself behave? What did you learn was important to you and what is best left behind?

The ending of a friendship can also be a good time to reflect on the quality of the relationship – was it healthy, unhealthy, or somewhere in between? This is an opportunity to be introspective and focus on the relationship with yourself and others in your life. Do you need to apologize to anyone? Improve communication? Spend more quality time with others? Have better boundaries? Were you proud of yourself for certain qualities that you could do more of in the future?

Don’t discount the importance of taking the time you need to feel your feelings, evaluate what is important to you and how you want to move forward in your other relationships. Self-care will make us ready to be better friends and form more solid, long-lasting friendships in the future.

Call STA  201-488-6678 if you want to learn how to deal with the changes life throws at you and learn to become a better friend to those around you.  Together we can help you deal with any breakup you might deal with.

The post What to Do When Friends “Breakup” first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post What to Do When Friends “Breakup” appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

Wellness is not any one thing or any specific area in our lives. It is a combination of many domains that make up who we are as a person. The United States Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) recognizes eight domains of wellness that contribute to our personal wellness. These areas are Emotional, Spiritual, Intellectual, Physical, Environmental, Financial, Occupational, and Social. 

 These areas are interconnected and they influence each other. For example, untreated or poorly managed anxiety obviously impacts our emotional well-being but it very quickly can and does impact other areas as well. Perhaps it impacts our work performance due to poor concentration or missing shifts. Or it may look like isolating from friends and family. Maybe we avoid checking our credit card statement because it becomes too overwhelming or we become disconnected from our higher power. The good news is that when it comes to personal well-being and recovery, these interdependent domains can be used to strengthen one another. When we recognize that our emotional well-being is not being well managed, we can build on the other areas. Maybe we can concentrate on our physical health, change our environment, or work on art. 

Wellness is not any one of these areas but a combination of them all. In our own search for wellness, it is important to look at all domains to see how they can be used to strengthen and build on one another. Living  “life on life’s terms” means that the functioning in these areas will ebb and flow and finding optimal wellness is discovering how they all integrate within the self.

If you are interested in learning more or improving any of these areas of wellness, please contact us at 201-488-6678 or visit https://www.specializedtherapy.com/. We look forward to speaking with you!

The post Wellness: What Does It Look Like? first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Wellness: What Does It Look Like? appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

Being a People Pleaser can hurt your own mental health.

A people pleaser is a type of person who are “too nice”, almost always putting everyone else’s needs before their own. They never say “no”, are always volunteering to help, and make sure that everyone else’s needs are met first before they worry about themselves. It may sound like a good thing to always help others but this can quickly lead to emotional and physical burnout. Common examples include:

• Agreeing to cover a shift or pick up a project at work that you know you cannot do
• Not doing activities that you want to do because it may bother other people
• Doing things that you don’t want to or can’t do because you’re afraid others will be mad at you if you say no
• Experiencing guilt at the thought of saying “no” to someone
• Being afraid people would not like you if they knew the real you
• Having a hard time sharing your true feelings
• Going to great lengths to avoid conflict
• Becoming very uncomfortable at the thought of someone being mad at you

All of these qualities point to the larger theme that you are the last priority in your own life. An important step for healthier well being is learning to put your own needs first. Recognizing that you are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings, not their happiness, sadness, anger, etc.  Sharing your wants and needs in an assertive and healthy way reduces people pleasing behavior  and is a critical step in your own journey of wellness. Meaning, you are able to stand up for your own needs and still be respectful of the other person.

If you’re interested in learning more or taking the next step in avoiding the negative aspects of  being a people pleaser and putting yourself first, please visit us at https://www.specializedtherapy.com/ or call 201-488-6678.

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The post You Don’t Need To Be a People Pleaser first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post You Don’t Need To Be a People Pleaser appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

The truth is that recovery is not a quick fix. Addiction is a family disease and it affects everyone in the family, not just the person with the identified problem of being an alcoholic or addict. When living with someone with active addiction the family system shifts to the life revolving around the addict. As addiction progresses families learn unhealthy ways to cope as day to day life begins to feel like chaos. Families need to learn their role in the family disease in order for recovery to be possible. Did they enable the person? Keep secrets for them? Ignore the problem and pretend that everything was just fine? Cover for them by calling them out of work or school? Try to “fix” the person with addiction at a cost to your own health?

Mutual Support and the Family

Just as the person with the addiction will need time and support in their own recovery process, so will each family member. The family as a whole also needs time to learn and get comfortable with the “new normal”. Mutual support meetings such as al-anon and nar-anon are great places for family members to get support from others going through similar experiences. People can also benefit from both individual and family therapy to start to heal and rebuild trust. In order for the family to become healthy, each person must learn assertive communication and healthy boundaries. When each individual works toward recovery the greater chance for recovery for the whole family!

To learn more about Addiction Family Services and the path to recovery please call (201)488-6678 or visit us at specialized therapy to schedule an appointment.

The post Addiction Is A Family Disease first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Addiction Is A Family Disease appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

When trying to help a parent, child, spouse, sibling, or friend who is struggling the lines can quickly blur from supporting to enabling. Family members focus so much on the demands of their loved one that they can become codependent and their own needs just fall by the wayside.

Warning Signs

Warning signs that the entire family has been affected include:

• Trying to fix, cover for, or hide the actions of the addict
• Having a hard time saying “no” (and not giving in!)
• Blaming yourself for other’s actions (“she drinks because I upset her” or “where did I go wrong to cause this?”)
• Feeling like your walking on eggshells at home
• Not being able to openly talk about problems

If your family has been affected by addiction, it is time to finally put the focus back on you! Taking the steps to heal yourself can allow you to be the supportive parent, child, sibling, or friend that you want to be. Or it may mean accepting that you put your needs first and “love from afar”. When they are ready to finally change for themselves you will be there to help in a healthy and supportive way. Either way, the important first step is to finally take care of you!

If you or someone you know has a loved one struggling with addiction, please call 201-488-6678 or visit our website at for more information and to schedule an appointment.

The post Is Someone You Love Struggling With Addiction? first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Is Someone You Love Struggling With Addiction? appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

As the addiction progresses the sense of what is healthy or “normal” is quickly lost. Family members want to be helpful and supportive in any way they can. However, family members find themselves helping too much as the lines between supporting and enabling become blurred.

Being supportive involves helping, advocating for, or assisting someone. It is healthy and allows the natural consequences of their actions to occur. The line to enabling is crossed when someone starts covering up for, bailing out, or preventing an addict from experiencing their consequences.

Examples of enabling include

• Making excuses for them (i.e. calling out of work for them)
• Blaming other for their behavior
• Providing extreme or unnecessary financial support
• Bailing them out of trouble (hiring lawyers, paying their fines)
• Taking on their responsibilities
• Not following through on set consequences

Making the change from enabling to supporting is challenging and can feel uncomfortable can cause stress. For many people it feels like having to take a “tough love” approach with their loved one. It hurts to see your loved one in pain especially if they try to make you to feel that you are causing it or making it worse. 

Learning the difference between healthy supporting and enabling can literally be a matter of life and death. Making the change from enabling to helping can help put a stop to loving someone to death and allowing their self-destructive behavior to continue. It is the most important thing you can do for yourself, your loved one, and the rest of your family.

If you would like to learn more about stopping enabling behavior or our other addiction family support services please call us at (201)488-6678 or visit our website at https://www.specializedtherapy.com

The post Lovingly Supportive or Loving Someone to Death – What is Enabling? first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Lovingly Supportive or Loving Someone to Death – What is Enabling? appeared first on Specialized Therapy.