Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. However, there are two key factors that have a major impact on building a healthy relationship with your children. The old expression, “Do as I say, not as I do”, no longer cuts it. A child will always do as you do. So, one of the simplest things you can do is be a model for them. Always live your life the way you want them to live theirs. This includes even when they’re not looking because kids always catch on to more than you’ll ever realize.

The second is to do what you can to foster a relationship that they will always feel comfortable going to you about anything. The benefit of this is that when your kids come across something that they haven’t seen you model yet, they know they can go to you so you can help them figure it out.
Now that might be a lot easier said than done. However, there are a few things you can do, within your control as a parent, to create this environment.

The Three R’s

This is where the three R’s come in: Regulate, Relate, and Reason. When your child is small they automatically come to you when they’re upset. So, they present you with this opportunity starting early on. This is when you can help regulate how they feel making them feel calm, safe, comforted and loved. Relating is then validating the way they feel by acknowledging that they’re upset or trying to do something very hard at that moment. Then you can move on to reasoning where you can use logic to redirect a specific behavior or show them another way of doing something.

Whether you’re a new parent or an old pro, sometimes we all can use a little help. Please call STA at (201) 488-6678, because it truly does take a village when it comes to raising a child.

The post Raising a Child: How to Achieve Success first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Raising a Child: How to Achieve Success appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

Let’s say you’re now an adult, but you’re self-aware enough to know that you were the function in the dysfunction in your family growing up. You were how they all survived and got along because you were the one they identified as having the problem, the scapegoat. Then you grow up and move out. Now you have to navigate what it’s going to be like to have these family members in your life. So, you set healthy boundaries, for which you receive some pushback, but you know it’s for your own sanity. Then you feel guilty for separating yourself from them too much. This leads you to let down some of the limits you’ve set, only to be quickly reminded of why you set them in the first place.

Just as you push yourself away they find a way to pull you back in, and the cycle continues. It can become increasingly frustrating, but you learn to accept what they do have the capacity to offer, learn to compensate what you need from elsewhere, and let go of what negativity they might send your way.

If you need help navigating a healthy way through relationships in your life, or removing toxic people from your life, please call Specialized Therapy Associates at (201) 488-6678. Together we can end the cycle of dysfunction.

The post Removing Toxic People: The Push-Pull first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Removing Toxic People: The Push-Pull appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

We all know about the negative things related to anxiety, such as excessive worry, sweaty palms, a racing heart, shortness of breath, indecisiveness, dizziness, etc. It’s these symptoms from which people want relief, but there’s more to anxiety than meets the eye. If you can see the positive in something, it becomes easier to accept as a part of yourself. Once you own something you can do something about it since the only person you can change is yourself. Therefore, seeing the good in anxiety can help prevent you from experiencing the negative symptoms.

Anxiety’s Superpowers

Now it’s time to meet your very own superhero lurking within, Anxiety! Some good that comes along with it is the ability to pay attention to detail, planning the work and then working the plan, and the ability to pick up on how others are feeling around you. As the friendly, neighborhood Spiderman often reminds us, “With great power comes great responsibility!” Now, this is the tricky part, because you become the person for whom you’re responsible. What I mean by this is that when a person is anxious it’s often hard to determine whether that feeling is coming from picking up on how someone else is feeling, or whether or not you’re experiencing that feeling yourself.

So, what are you left to do then? The answer isn’t necessarily simple, but self- awareness is key. It’s important to assess how you’re feeling before entering a situation so that you can set appropriate limits to not take on more than what you can chew.

If you are struggling to find your hidden superpowers, please call STA at (201) 488-6678. Together we can help bring out your best while taking proper care of yourself at the same time!

The post Anxiety the Superhero first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Anxiety the Superhero appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

So many times I’ve worked with people who ask, “How do I make this anxiety go away?!” Other than taking out my magic wand, which doesn’t seem to work no matter how many times I swish and flick, the truth is that anxiety doesn’t go away. Yet, that’s not a life sentence of misery either. If anxiety is a part of your life, it always will be. But you won’t always experience it as a negative, especially depending on how significant it might be at any given moment.

Its significance varies by how much it affects your life. A good example of this is imagining your life as a car, the position anxiety has in the car can greatly vary the impact it has on your life. Let’s say anxiety is the driver. Then forget it, every choice or action you’re taking is out of anxiety because it’s in control. Well, then let’s say it’s still pretty big so it’s still in the front seat, but now it’s just a passenger. Your anxiety might be guiding you, but it doesn’t make the final decision. Now it’s small enough to be in the back seat. The noise from back there gets annoying, but it doesn’t ever determine your route. Then it’s small enough for a booster seat, a car seat, a rear facing car seat, and eventually it’s so small that it fits in your wallet or purse just as a mint or a piece of gum would. You always have the gum with you, but how much significance does that gum have in your life unless you just had some garlic and are on your way to a date or job interview?
If you’re struggling with keeping anxiety at least as a back seat driver then call Specialized Therapy Associates (STA), at (201) 488-6678, so that we can help strap it down in its car seat.

The post Anxiety: Driver, Passenger, or Gum? first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Anxiety: Driver, Passenger, or Gum? appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

If you find yourself struggling to not let the golden loophole compromise your character, please call STA at (201) 488-6678. We can help you see the true value of the golden rule and The Golden Loophole once again.

The post The Golden Loophole: How to Manage Anxiety first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post The Golden Loophole: How to Manage Anxiety appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

I say let those differences be what joins people. Let the idea that everyone is so different be the binding force behind establishing a greater sense of belonging in that all of those things that make you uniquely you be celebrated instead. It is in those differences that people learn to truly discover each other as compared to holding misinformed beliefs based on stereotypes. A poem that puts this best is entitled, Kids Who Are Different, by Digby Wolfe, which goes as follows:

Here’s to kids who are different,
Kids who don’t always get A’s,
Kids who have ears
Twice the size of their peers,
And noses that go on for days.

Here’s to kids who are different,
Kids, they call crazy or dumb,
Kids who don’t fit,
With the guts and the grit,
Who dance to a different drum.

Here’s to kids who are different,
Kids with a mischievous streak.
For when they have grown,
As history has shown,
It’s their difference that makes them unique.

Being Different is Okay and This idea is one of the main driving forces behind the adolescent group that has been running for over four years at STA. If you struggle with being proud of what makes you uniquely you know that there is a place where those differences are encouraged and celebrated by many who feel the same. You can always reach us at (201) 488-6678 to schedule an intake.

The post Being Different first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Being Different appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

I say let those differences be what joins people. Let the idea that everyone is so different be the binding force behind establishing a greater sense of belonging in that all of those things that make you uniquely you be celebrated instead. It is in those differences that people learn to truly discover each other as compared to holding misinformed beliefs based on stereotypes. A poem that puts this best is entitled, Kids Who Are Different, by Digby Wolfe, which goes as follows:

Here’s to kids who are different,
Kids who don’t always get A’s,
Kids who have ears
Twice the size of their peers,
And noses that go on for days.

Here’s to kids who are different,
Kids they call crazy or dumb,
Kids who don’t fit,
With the guts and the grit,
Who dance to a different drum.

Here’s to kids who are different,
Kids with a mischievous streak.
For when they have grown,
As history has shown,
It’s their difference that makes them unique.

This idea is one of the main driving forces behind the adolescent group that has been running for almost five years at STA. If you struggle with being proud of what makes you uniquely you know that there is a place where those differences are encouraged and celebrated by many who feel the same. You can always reach us at (201) 488-6678 to schedule an intake. Being Different isn’t a bad thing, celebrate your uniqueness!

The post Being Different: Support Groups first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Being Different: Support Groups appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

The post Anxiety: The Hunter and How to Not Be Prey first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Anxiety: The Hunter and How to Not Be Prey appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

I always say the problem with a relationship is that it involves another person. Many people would love to be in a relationship with someone where they’re always in control and things tend to go their way. However, more realistically, it’s a partnership where both parties need to be considered. So, what does that mean if a person is set on things being one way, or if there are certain things about the other person that drives them crazy? It means that when you consider a partnership to be 100%, and you are only one of the parties involved, that you can only do your full 50% since your part is the only one you have any control over.

This is where things can get tricky because there is a fine line between compatibility and codependency. However, if you’re either not doing your part or are overcompensating for your partner’s lack of doing theirs, then something is off. This runs the risk of no longer being in a healthy relationship. It is something that can continue in the same relationship for years, or get easily passed to subsequent relationships as it becomes a pattern.

If you feel that the percentages are not equal in your relationship, or are starting to realize that you end up in the same relationship over and over again with different people, please call STA at (201) 488-6678. We can help properly align your numbers by balancing out the relationship you have with yourself first.

The post Giving Your Full 50% in a Relationship first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post Giving Your Full 50% in a Relationship appeared first on Specialized Therapy.

The post What If?…How to Combat Your Anxiety first appeared on Specialized Therapy.

The post What If?…How to Combat Your Anxiety appeared first on Specialized Therapy.